SDAT
by Fifty Points of the Mind
Summary: I know that there are a lot of other stories you could be reading right now, but please, take a little time to look this one over. For the five minutes it will take up, I'm sure that you'll find something to like about it.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own NGE or the song in this fic.

_SDAT_

_You are my sunshine..._

My hands trace the hard, black plastic, watching as the two circles inside slowly turn.

_My only sunshine..._

I can't even remember anymore.

_You make me happy..._

All I can do is listen

_When skies are gray..._

Listen and block out the pain.

_You'll never know, dear..._

I let the music take me back.

_How much I love you..._

Take me back to the place that I can't remember.

_Please don't take... _

When I felt as I if...

_my sunshine..._

As if...

_Away..._

There was someone left that loved me.

_I'll always love you..._

The song goes on.

_and make you happy..._

I remember the first time I played this tape.

_If you will only..._

God, it was so long ago.

_Say the same..._

I cried so hard.

_You'll never know, dear..._

And I didn't even realize

_How much I love you_

How sad this song would be

_So please don't take..._

And so precious at the same time.

_My sunshine..._

I've already cried all the tears that I could for it.

_Awaaay..._

But for some reason, I still can't stop listening

_Happy Birthday Shinji... You're one year old!!!_

And I can still feel the tears running down my cheek.

_One day, when you're bigger, you'll be listening to this..._

The tears.

_And I hope that you'll always remember..._

I can't hold them anymore.

_I love you, my Shinji...Mommy loves you..._

Just to hear that voice one more time.

_I love you, my special little Shinji..._

I have cried so many tears.

Shinji's finger slides across the gray dials once more, pressing the key one more time.

_You are my sunshine..._

He lay his head on his pillow, just another day passing...

Author's Notes:

Jeez, what can I say. I know I have other projects, but this was something that had to be written down, and I hope that this can make understanding Shinji a little bit better. This is a one-shot, so please review, as much as you can, I would really appreciate it. I love this fic, and I hope that it can find a place in your hearts...

_-FPOTM_


	2. Author's Note

Dear Reader,

I was going through my old files while searching for inspiration on the next chapter of "It's Not Impossible" when I came across this little piece. It kinda shocked me that I actually wrote something this poignant and didn't have to struggle with my emotions when I was putting my thoughts on Shinji into print, but it felt nice to know I actually had insight back then.

Anyway, I think my writing was purer back then, it had more purpose than just the saccharine drivel that I write outside fan fiction now for English reports and numerous forums that I'm part of. Literature felt like it was dying slowly inside of me, but I know that it passes eventually and that I will find inspiration to continue putting fingers to keyboard, so to speak.

I was passing through a rough patch when I wrote SDAT, the spiritual malaise of youth really setting in. I was depressed, devoid of emotion, and going through angst most teenagers do around that age. SDAT was something like a long overdue catharsis for me, a story filled with sensation from a person who really didn't believe in much of anything back then. Looking back at the stories that I wrote, it amazes me how much I've matured as a person and as a writer, though it may not be always apparent in my works.

It's been four years and three days since I've been a part of the fan fiction writing community and two since I've written SDAT. A reader actually sent me a rather heartfelt e-mail about her reactions to my short short story, and it seemed as if it really helped her out through some of her own burdens. It would be a lie to say that I don't do this repost totally for the goodwill of my fellow man, but I do recognize that this is probably one of the best pieces that I'll ever write, and I would love to share it once more with all of you. I hope it will help put things in perspective for others, and at least give a deeper insight on the reluctant hero Shinji Ikari.

Yours Truly,

FPotM


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